Yesterday was a flurry of encouraging messages from sober bloggers about my one year sober anniversary. I mentioned it to my teen daughter who was visiting from the university. She said, “Wow, good job Mom.”, with a slight rise in her voice. My boyfriend of 5 years sent me a message that said that he didn’t know many people who could accomplish that. Those were my only real life reactions. Not exactly the parade and party I thought this feat deserved. It was like this giant thing in my life was just that, big only in my life. After thinking about it, I have really made not drinking no big deal to the people around me. I barely mentioned it to anyone and when I did, it was in passing and not dwelled upon.
I realize that my mind was trying to gear me up for failure. “Poor me. Nobody cares that I spent the last 365 days working diligently on making my life better. I’m not the center of the world’s attention.” I haven’t had the urge to drink but I can see that my twisted mind is setting up the scene.
In doing some sober blog reading, I noticed a pattern. I seemed to be focusing on the bloggers who had a recent relapse. What I took away from those blogs is that one drink is not worth a year of sobriety. I’ve also considered the possibility of attending my first AA meeting. I’ll have to think about that a bit more.
It’s hard to believe that if I was pregnant, I’d be almost full term. Instead, I have 9 solid months of sobriety under my belt and a better outlook on life.
It seems that 9 months is the magic time frame for people to relapse. Something creeps in and makes you think that you can handle just one. My plan is to stay strong and continue down the sober path that I have begun.
I’m still building my sober house one brick at a time. Life has been crazy. My youngest daughter graduated from high school and received a 4 year all expenses paid scholarship to a big 10 university. To say I’m proud would be an understatement.
The last 22 years of my life have been completely devoted to my two daughters. The biggest goal I had was to watch them as they became productive members of society. I’m going to need new goals and hobbies now. The reality of being an empty nester hasn’t sunk in.
I’ve been staying ridiculously active. Working 13 hour days and then working some more at home. My theory is that if I stop, I won’t start again. Kind of the opposite of drinking.
A sober pen pal that had a few less days sober than I emailed me to let me know that she had fallen off the wagon. She remembered drinking a bottle and a half of wine but nothing more than embarrassing herself in front of her family. She said her husband can’t bear to look at her. She feels ashamed. My heart aches for her but her story makes me more determined to make sobriety work. I’ve definitely thought a lot about drinking lately. Something about summer makes me feel like I’m missing out. I know if I was drinking if be wasting my time completely obliterated as the beautiful weather escaped me.
So for now, I’m happy to be alcohol free.