Sober Isn’t Easy…But It’s Better than Drunk

317 days have passed without so much as a drop of alcohol passing my lips.  I hadn’t given that much thought until yesterday afternoon when I was doing yard work.  I remembered that last summer I spent every other weekend obliterated out of my mind from Thursday through Sunday night.  Most Sundays were slept away trying to ward off the hangovers of the century.  I could never mow on Sunday.  I was left to sweat out the toxins during the week.

Anyway, I was thinking about how much I wanted to drink on my way home from work on Friday.  Exhaustion always brings me to wanting to numb and check out.  At this stage of the game, I can wait those feelings out by reminding myself of how horrible hangovers were for me. Waking up every morning sober and not wanting to crawl out of my own skin is worth it’s weight in gold.

Sometimes my mind races thinking about the next time I will be challenged.  I have to remind myself to stay in the moment and not get ahead of myself.  It will all work out.  I had a three day garage sale last weekend and met some pretty cool people.  One of which I hit it off right away with.  She is slightly older than myself (I’m 45).  She bought a chair from me which I delivered the half a block to her house.  She was so thankful and immediately invited me down to have a glass of wine.  I must have looked panicked because she asked, “You do drink wine, don’t you?”  I awkwardly responded that I don’t and immediately felt like the unpopular girl at the school dance.  She asked if I drink coffee.  I’ve been caffeine free for over 8 years.  “I drink water,” grasping at not wanting to be a total party pooper.  Gah!  Sober isn’t always easy but at least I’m in control of my awkwardness and making a fool of myself all on my own sans booze.

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A Flurry Of Activity

Work has been insanely busy and I haven’t had time to think much about my sobriety. Working two jobs is getting the better of me as this is the busiest time of the year at both.

Today I worked 11 hours outside in 87° temperatures. I wasn’t supposed to work outside today so I was unprepared. No hat or sunscreen. I was literally baking in the sun. We had the hardest winter of my life and my body is still acclimated to below zero temps. It was strange to have the sun on my face after six months of horrible weather.

Anyway, I realized on my way home from work that I wasn’t completely exhausted after an 11 hour day. I was actually in a great mood and still am. This would not have been the case six months ago. I would’ve bought wine on my way home and drank my dinner.

When I got home, I started the grill outside as the neighbors waived and remarked about the beautiful day. They offered me a beer. I chuckled and said that I’d better stick to water after a long hot day in the sun. I didn’t even have a fleeting thought about accepting the drink. 

My calender is bursting with activities for the next few weeks. My youngest daughter is graduating from high school and my oldest, who is a Senior in college, will be visiting home from 500 miles away.

There’s so much to do that I’m overwhelmed most days. I’ve always seen obstacles as challenges and looked for ways to overcome them. I stopped when I was drinking. Today, I’m facing challenges head on with a clear head.