Apparently I’m not that bright when it comes to junk food. I grabbed a Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pie on my way out the door this morning to eat on my way home from work. Not just your averaged sized snack, but the ginornous one that’s like 3,456 calories. I tossed it on the seat beside me as I drove to work. I kid you not when I say that bitch was talking to me. I was so taken by the thought of getting her sweet creamy goodness in my mouth that I nearly forgot I was driving.
I proceeded to tell myself how insane it was that I wanted to eat since not more that five minutes before, I was jamming my pie hole with breakfast. My mind was racing with ideas about how I was thinking about that treat like I used to think about vodka.
So, I decided to sit with my feelings until they passed like I would if I had a craving for alcohol. I guess it was more like squirming. I wrestled with why I felt I had to eat it and not long after, the feeling subsided. Why had I never done that before? Normally I don’t give more than a thought about shoveling something in my mouth. I was pretty proud of myself.
So you know what I did? I ate that whore half an hour later.
One addiction at a time…
P.S. Yesterday was 200 days.
The next two weeks are the busiest I’ve been in years. My youngest daughter is graduating high school. We have some sort of honors recognition every night this week. I’m proud to say we learned recently that she has earned a full ride scholarship to a big ten university due to her hard work and my small income.
I cannot imagine trying to keep everything in order this week if I was hung over. It feels amazing to wake up knowing I can handle what the day will throw at me.
Day 200 is coming up in a few days. I’m feeling stronger than ever in sobriety until I’m tired at the end of the day. Sometimes the thought of numbness creeps into my brain. Escape. It’s mostly when I’ve had a long day. I’m brought back to reality pretty quickly by the sickening thought of an anxiety ridden hangover.
I still haven’t put myself in many situations where people are drinking. My family is pretty much non drinking. We’ve never had booze at family gatherings so that was never an issue. Most of my drinking has been done quietly with my boyfriend of 4 years at his place. That’s really the only time I fight with myself about it.
Anyway, it’s getting late and I have more on my mind but I’m too tired to type. I’m still catching up with the sober blogs I read. You are all saving me daily.