It’s Been Too Long

Screenshot_20190727-091720_CleanTime Counter.jpgHello to the interwebs and all you beautiful struggling/sober siblings!  We are all in this together. A Facebook friend (an amazing person who is on the brink of realizing how amazing they are) has decided to take the sober plunge and I remembered that this blog existed. I shared the link and then read the whole thing.

After nearly 2100 days without drinking, I still think about it occasionally. It’s a fleeting occasional thought but it’s still there.  I doubt the feeling ever totally goes away.

My life has continued to get better. My agricultural job became full-time and I work anywhere from 40 to 80 hours per week. My income has tripled and I totally believe it’s because I finally got my act together and realized that I could do great things and others saw that in me as well. I enjoy my job most days and find it challenging. I could have never done this job if I was still binge drinking.

Things with the boyfriend of almost 10 years have changed drastically in the last couple of years. After 8 years of living an hour apart, I allowed him to come and live in my home. He was still drinking but I told him he was not allowed to drink in our house. He followed that for the most part except when I was away for my job. I came home unexpectedly a couple of times and found him drinking which pissed me off. I decided I couldn’t change him and that I can only control my own feelings about what it was doing to our relationship. One year ago he ended up getting a DUI. He spent the night in jail and I spent the night wondering if he was dead in the ditch or if he was in jail. This all came about a month after I came home unexpectedly for the night and found him completely out of his mind. He immediately started screaming at me and then physically and verbally abused me. I was able to collect my things and get out for the night and went to a hotel. I felt more broken that I had in my whole entire life. The worst part is that he remembered none of it, so it was like  he felt it never happened. This was a breaking point. I gave him an ultimatum that it was me or drinking.

So when the DUI thing happened two months later (to the day), I was done. He tried contacting me from the jail but I didn’t answer. I was fuming when he finally made it home. I’ve never seen him look so defeated in my entire life. He knew his life was going to change. He ended up getting out of the DUI pretty easily with 6 months probation and alcohol testing randomly twice a week. This made me wonder if he would learn his lesson since things were taken pretty lightly by the courts.

I’m happy to report that one year later he is still sober and realizes that his whole entire life has been ruled by alcohol. He said he never knew different because everyone he knows drinks. I think he’s very proud of himself. there are still days where he says that he’s not an alcoholic because he’s been able to not drink for the past year. I still wonder if he gets it and worry every day that he may take another drink. But again, this is not my problem. I need to work on myself.

I have been working on my weight. I’m down 84 pounds and feeling pretty darn good about life. I’m still overweight but getting my act together after too long.