Now What?

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Yesterday was a flurry of encouraging messages from sober bloggers about my one year sober anniversary.  I mentioned it to my teen daughter who was visiting from the university.  She said, “Wow, good job Mom.”, with a slight rise in her voice. My boyfriend of 5 years sent me a message that said that he didn’t know many people who could accomplish that.  Those were my only real life reactions.  Not exactly the parade and party I thought this feat deserved. It was like this giant thing in my life was just that, big only in my life.  After thinking about it, I have really made not drinking no big deal to the people around me.  I barely mentioned it to anyone and when I did, it was in passing and not dwelled upon.

I realize that my mind was trying to gear me up for failure.  “Poor me.  Nobody cares that I spent the last 365 days working diligently on making my life better. I’m not the center of the world’s attention.” I haven’t had the urge to drink but I can see that my twisted mind is setting up the scene.

In doing some sober blog reading, I noticed a pattern.  I seemed to be focusing on the bloggers who had a recent relapse.  What I took away from those blogs is that one drink is not worth a year of sobriety.  I’ve also considered the possibility of attending my first AA meeting.  I’ll have to think about that a bit more.

 

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