I made it through another rough patch and I’m still sober. Whew! Waiting out those feelings really does work no matter how unpleasant it feels. Feeling is the key I suppose since I block those feelings by drinking normally.
Anyway, on to my side effects list.
Side effects of drinking
° The first couple of drinks are relaxing then I go into black out and have absolutely no clue what is going on for hours at a time. I’ve awakened with bruises so black it’s a wonder I didn’t hemorrhage. How I never broke a bone or my teeth is a miracle.
°Regretting things I’ve done while drinking. Like the time I passed out in front of a friend’s mobile home and bent the skirting. I can only imagine how many people drove by and saw me lying slumped over in front of his place sprawled all over in the middle of the afternoon.
° Passing out after 3 drinks but continuing to drink the second my eyes open.
° Missing work on Monday because I’ve been on a 3 day bender and can’t handle the anxiety that these binges cause.
° Wondering how many people know my secret.
° Worrying if I have enough alcohol to see me into oblivion and if there’s a little extra to “help” my hangover.
° Missing some of my daughters’ activities because I chose drinking instead of them.
° Having lengthy phone conversations with my mother and not remember any of it. Then wondering how wasted I sounded to her.
° Sleeping in my car in empty parking lots because I was so obnoxious that my boyfriend kicked me out and I was too drunk to drive.
° Being embarrassed in front of my daughters.
° Thinking that I am actually sexy and acting on it. Going so far as to allow pictures to be taken that I would never have allowed when sober.
° Self hated and lack of confidence.
Benefits of Sobriety
° Waking up without a hangover. I can’t express how grateful I am when I open my eyes in the morning and feel amazing. No remorse or regret.
° Saving money. It makes me ill to think about how much money I wasted on booze.
° Not missing a day of work in almost 9 months.
° Work opportunities knocking on my door because I’m able to focus on my jobs instead of when I’m having my next drink.
° Knowing that I can drive a car at anytime of the day or night. Knowing that I can be there to help anyone who is in need.
° A clean and organized house and yard.
° Taking advantage of every single day because I’m not wasting my life being sloth like.
° Feeling in control of my mind and body at all times.
° Being a good role model for both of my daughters.
° Learning to love myself despite my faults.
If you can get a little bit of sobriety under your belt you will see that there is so much more to life. I’m still a work in progress but I’m a lot better off than I was 9 months ago.