Lap Full


I’m begrudgingly still sober.  After two years one would think I’d finally forget about drinking.  Most days that statement is true. There’s still fleeting moments where the thought crosses my mind.

I miss being able to binge drink my way into oblivion, not caring about anything other than my next drink. I don’t get to check out anymore and some days it really sucks.

One of my jobs has drastically changed.  I have a new boss and several new coworkers.  The new boss part has been great as he gave me my own office  (I’m a part time temporary employee of 6 years) and left the others in their cubicles. He also gave me a 28% raise. I hadn’t had a raise in 5 years.  My old boss (whom was demoted after serving the company for 29 years) claimed it was impossible to get.

With the new coworkers comes challenges.  One is working with a 23 year old college graduate who knows everything and believes she has the power to change even the most dour personality into Susie Sunshine. This woman is the same age as my oldest daughter. I’m trying not to mother her but it’s tough.  I’m sure I was exactly like her at that age but it’s annoying most days.  I gave this person a year before she became  hardened to the corporate way of life.  It took her less than six months.

We have to work closely so we spend a good deal of time together.  This girl will not give one inch if she thinks her way is better. It’s hard for me not to want to bang my head on the wall as I say,  “sometimes experience knows more than education”. I never dreamed I’d be the old lady (I’m 47) giving wisdom to today’s youth.

This young woman is very much a loner in life. She doesn’t date and doesn’t have many friends. She prefers to do everything alone. She only tries to get to know people if she feels it will benefit her in some way.  She has no interest in my personal life and has gone so far as to leave mid conversation.

We are polar opposites.  I love getting to know people and work hard to earn their respect. I’m a people pleaser and have always put others before myself.

After 8 months butting heads with and observing her, she came to me for advice. I was shocked.  We had been on a business trip together where I saw her vulnerability.  She asked me to go out for drinks.  She had only half listened when I told her that I don’t drink anymore as I showed her my sobriety app that read 800 days. She tried to convince me that it would be ok for me to drink with her for just that night.  She proceeded to tell me how much fun I’d be if I drank.  It really pissed me off. Not because she wasn’t thinking about me as I knew how self centered she is,  but because I realized that I can never just go have drinks with anyone.  Sure I could go along and drink water but it’s not the same.

Every day,  I try to remember that this person was put here to teach me something.  I have decided it is patience.