317 days have passed without so much as a drop of alcohol passing my lips. I hadn’t given that much thought until yesterday afternoon when I was doing yard work. I remembered that last summer I spent every other weekend obliterated out of my mind from Thursday through Sunday night. Most Sundays were slept away trying to ward off the hangovers of the century. I could never mow on Sunday. I was left to sweat out the toxins during the week.
Anyway, I was thinking about how much I wanted to drink on my way home from work on Friday. Exhaustion always brings me to wanting to numb and check out. At this stage of the game, I can wait those feelings out by reminding myself of how horrible hangovers were for me. Waking up every morning sober and not wanting to crawl out of my own skin is worth it’s weight in gold.
Sometimes my mind races thinking about the next time I will be challenged. I have to remind myself to stay in the moment and not get ahead of myself. It will all work out. I had a three day garage sale last weekend and met some pretty cool people. One of which I hit it off right away with. She is slightly older than myself (I’m 45). She bought a chair from me which I delivered the half a block to her house. She was so thankful and immediately invited me down to have a glass of wine. I must have looked panicked because she asked, “You do drink wine, don’t you?” I awkwardly responded that I don’t and immediately felt like the unpopular girl at the school dance. She asked if I drink coffee. I’ve been caffeine free for over 8 years. “I drink water,” grasping at not wanting to be a total party pooper. Gah! Sober isn’t always easy but at least I’m in control of my awkwardness and making a fool of myself all on my own sans booze.