Again with having to deal with fucking feelings. I’ve been in a relationship for over four years with a man who has clearly not been good for me. He’s an alcoholic, bi polar, veteran, unemployed mess but I love him more than I’ve ever loved anyone besides my daughters. He’s spent the last two days pushing every button I have. I’ve resisted the urge to say, “Fuck it!” and give in to the booze hound.
He has been less than supportive of my sobriety. I can only believe it’s because he is losing his drinking buddy. Me being sober forces him to have to look at himself. He doesn’t get why I can’t have a couple of drinks. He thinks he’s in control of his alcohol intake. I told him that if he has to worry about how much he’s drinking and whether he has a problem then he probably does. Normal people don’t sit around and worry about their alcohol consumption.
He says I’m only fun when I’ve had a few drinks. I’m too uptight when I’m sober. Maybe he’s right but I’m learning that I can be fun without booze.
What I’ve figured out is that right now, I’m never truly happy. I have nothing to look forward to other than my daughters who are both very intelligent and on their way to greatness. They are my only light at the moment.
Being sober has helped me get the courage to realize that I deserve better and that’s it’s finally time to take care of my own needs after spending the last 25 years tending to others’.