I really do wish I could blog and not jump around. I posted the following as a comment on a blog I stumbled upon. This blog is so honest in the attempt made by the author to get sober.
“My final straw was a culmination of things over the past two years. I didn’t drink every day. I’m a binge drinker, drinking ever other weekend (when I’m away from my youngest daughter). The propensity to binge drink has always been there but I had periods where I didn’t drink for years.
I was married for 20 years and after divorcing I found that dating always meant drinking. I found a great guy who unfortunately has a drinking problem (my opinion, not his) as well and that’s what we did together for the last 4+ years. We went from sharing a fifth of booze over a 3 day period to the point where we were both drinking a half gallon of hard liquor each over a 24 hour period.
About a year ago, I woke up after a binge with the most horrible case of anxiety. I wanted to crawl out of my own skin just to get away from myself. The hangovers where incredibly debilitating for days if not an entire week after the binges. After figuring out that alcohol was causing my anxiety, I tried moderation to no avail. One drink led to days of blackout drunks. I figured out that if I stayed drunk, the anxiety stayed away.
All of this drinking led to many fights with my boyfriend and since we don’t live together, caused me to drive over an hour back home. I always waited hours before driving but realize now that I was still legally drunk and how lucky I am to not have killed someone with my car.
I got tired of lying to my teenage daughter when she asked how I had bruised myself so badly. I couldn’t tell her that I had no recollection after having been black out drunk for days. It’s a wonder I didn’t break anything other than my pride.”
This is just a little slice of what brought me to this place in my life. I am again overwhelmed with things I feel like I need to say here and maybe I will. Another day.